Tuesday, September 4, 2012

"Half-truths" there is no such thing it is either a lie or it is not

It is said half-truths are considered lies, well for me I state the facts of the situations and keep my personal feelings and emotions out of it; therefore there is no half-truths in my life. The ones closest to me know my feelings, how I am feeling, what was going through my mind and the smile I put on my face to hide it all from everyone esle. These have been the people here for me through the roughest, darkest, life and death in fact, parts of my life.
Every time I meet someone and decided to get involved with them or not I tell them a few things about myself so that there are no curtain drawn and being caught off guard about. One, I am a Christian woman I keep God and Jesus first in my life, my family is extremely important to me and I will not be taken away from them, I work 50 hours a week at least and go to school/college 3/4 time i.e. 3 classes and full time is 4 classes, I go to the gym every morning before work and after work when it is a day with no school in the evening, I go to church every Sunday and make ever attempt to go on Wednesdays. I am an extremely busy person and typically home long enough to go to sleep and wake up the next day during the week and do homework and school on weekends. I do not cook during the week because I refuse to be up at 10pm cooking dinner when I could be doing homework or cleaning up my apartment(for now it’s an apartment). I have no time for problems he said she said, worrying about what others think of me, their judgments of who I am, nor do I feel the need to go in detail of my hardships I have been through thus far in my life. My family and closest and dearest friends know because they have been there with me through them. I then very blandly cover what "normal" people consider cheating, which is talking, doing things, physically and emotionally with any other person that you would do with me is CHEATING! There are such things as emotional cheating/affairs which tend to hurt more than the actual physical cheating/affairs. So yes I will put up with a lot of a person crap to me, but I WILL NEVER EVER EVER PUT UP WITH CHEATING PERIOD! I don't care who you are, how long we have been together, if I ever get married to that person or even have kids with them I WILL LEAVE and NEVER EVER look back.
So why oh why have all my ex's been so surprised when I leave them? The best part is YOU CAN TELL WHEN SOMEONE IS CHEATING ON YOU! They pull themselves away, start fights to find stupid lame excuses to "go out" instead of facing the problems at hand, they cause problems in little things when they never once were a problem to begin with. They then start the aversion of the other person and important details to things like oh "working late" but yet running out of money before payday.... But you sure as heck are not spending it on ANYTHING dealing with us heaven forbid even on me which I have never ever asked any man to ever do in my life, guess that is my down fall need to be the "gold digging" type to make them buy me things and give me money, forget that I work and handle my business and my bills. then want to act surprised when you confront them about it and say nothing at all but scoffed laughs and call the person the one word that no man should ever ever say to any woman "bitch."
My mother raised a lady and a woman of God, and that I am and always will be. If you cannot handle the bluntness of my words or understand my vocabulary, there are dictionaries you can look up what a word means after all, then you could never ever in any way, shape, fashion, form handle me. I am a woman of God, I uphold the 10 commandments to the best of my ability. I am not perfect nor would those words ever come close to come out of my mouth, but I can say that I think about everything I do before I do it and the impact it would have on others. I have been knocked down countless times by the devil, his evil doers, his servants, and the wolves dressed up as sheep, BUT NEVER EVER have I allowed them to do more than cause me to stumble and trip. I pick myself back up with the help of God and his son Jesus Christ to push me through to the light that is always there and never lost sight of the light of Jesus Christ. Doors close, but I refuse to stand there and stare at the closed door in my face I turn around and proceed to search for the open one God has for me.
When I am dating/in a relationship with someone I am dating/seeing/sleeping/committed to that one person. I am not sleeping/dating your family and therefore will not allow any belittling done to me by them. I have my own mother, father, and sisters who know who I am how much I try and put into everything and every characteristic about me so if anyone should even think about mattering what they say it is them. I do not speak ill of anyone regardless what has been done to me by them. I pray daily for my enemies, family, friends near and far. I ask God to watch over them protect them, heal their hurts pains, guide them to success in everything in their lives and for them to fully know the love of God and our savior Jesus Christ.
I am nowhere near perfect, I have my faults and readily admit to them, there are battles going in internally, outwardly, spiritually, and emotionally that I deal with on a daily basis. They are my battles and no one else’s. I am my biggest critic, I hold myself back, I allow myself to stumble into situations that I knew I should have removed myself from. I follow my heart and the what I feel is the will of God pulling me to. At times I have not known myself worth until it has been too late and the tears flowing because I allowed myself to end up in the exact same situation again just with different faces, names, and walks of life. Every time God has been here to pick me back up brought me out of thinking of the flesh and back into the spiritual world. For it is when we put things of the flesh before the things of the sprit when we fall the hardest. I will be keeping up a blog shortly of my journey with God and our Savior Jesus Christ. It will be open for all to see.
So today I close with John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

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